As I’ve mentioned before I often find myself disappearing down the AI rabbit hole. I have this fear that one day I’ll drop down and never come back up again! My latest journey into the abyss was most entertaining. Let me explain what happened.

In a post yesterday, Bath Night and ChatGPT, I took a story that I had written long before I discovered AI and put it into ChatGPT’s new image generator to see what it would make of my writing. I was impressed with the outcome.

So, this morning I thought, “I wonder what would happen if I reversed the experiment? In other words, what story would AI give me in response to the picture as the prompt?” I put the image and this text into Claude, ‘Give me a 200 word story based on this image. Add in some dark humour.’ This is what it gave me:

Exhibit 7B

The younglings pressed against the viewing portal, their bioluminescent eyes wide with horrified fascination.

“Guide Zrex, why are there offspring in the hot liquid?” one asked, its translator crackling.

Zrex consulted his data-pad. “The juveniles are placed there by their own progenitors. Willingly.”

A collective shudder rippled through the tour group.

“The yellow effigies represent waterfowl,” Zrex continued, gesturing at the rubber ducks. “Humans gift these to their young before submerging them. We believe it’s either religious appeasement or psychological conditioning.”

“For what purpose?”

“Unknown. Though our xenoanthropologists theorise it prepares offspring for the eventual consumption of the waterfowl species.”

An elderly tourist clutched her thorax. “Barbaric.”

“Indeed. Note the steam rising from the vessel. The temperature would instantly dissolve our membrane layers. Yet humans emerge refreshed.” Zrex’s voice dropped. “We lost seventeen researchers discovering that particular incompatibility.”

The group observed a moment of respectful silence.

“The exhibit previously contained a live human,” Zrex added, “but it kept requesting something called ‘privacy’ and refused to perform the ritual. It now resides in Exhibit 12C: Emotional Dysfunction.”

A youngling tugged its parent closer. “I don’t want to see the ‘flossing’ exhibit anymore.”

“No one does, child. No one does.”

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I Could Have Stopped Here, But I Didn’t

But then I noticed the mention of ‘the ‘flossing’ exhibit’. On a whim I said to Claude, “What is the ‘flossing’ exhibit?” I was rewarded with this story:

 Exhibit 9F

The parent wrapped a protective appendage around their youngling as they shuffled past the ominous doorway marked Exhibit 9F: Oral Maintenance.

Through the portal, a holographic human demonstration played on loop—a creature inserting thin thread between its calcified mouth-bones, sawing back and forth until the gum tissue wept crimson.

“They do this daily,” whispered a nearby tourist, her voice trembling. “Sometimes while watching their entertainment screens. Completely desensitised.”

The exhibit placard read:

Flossing: Ritual Gum Laceration

Humans voluntarily slice into their oral tissue to remove microscopic food particles. The practice causes bleeding in 73% of subjects, yet dental practitioners actively encourage increased frequency. Those who abstain report feelings of “guilt” and “shame.”

Purpose: Possibly penitential. Research ongoing.

A school group from the Andromeda sector huddled together as their teacher explained, “The truly disturbing element is that humans have invented dozens of tools for this, waxed, unwaxed, flavoured, mechanical. Yet most still avoid the ritual until hours before visiting their oral shamans.”

“The shamans know,” a youngling whimpered. “They always know.”

Zrex ushered his group onward. “If you think that’s distressing, wait until Exhibit 11A: The Extraction of Wisdom Teeth.”

Three tourists fainted immediately

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I’m Now In Claude’s Grip

As you can imagine I was now hooked. I had to ask Claude, “Tell me about Exhibit 11A.” And it did:

Exhibit 11A

The tour group approached Exhibit 11A with the grim reluctance of condemned prisoners. Warning holograms flickered at the entrance:

CONTENT ADVISORY: Contains surgical imagery, bone extraction, and references to “dry socket.”

Zrex’s voice dropped to a funereal tone. “What you are about to witness represents humanity’s most baffling self-imposed torture.”

The exhibit revealed an operating theatre. A human lay unconscious while a masked figure wielded instruments that looked distinctly medieval—pliers, drills, blades.

The placard read:

Wisdom Teeth Extraction: Voluntary Bone Removal

Upon reaching maturity, humans grow additional teeth their own jaws cannot accommodate. Rather than evolving past this flaw, they developed a ritual whereby oral surgeons crack open gum tissue and excavate the teeth—sometimes shattering them first for easier removal.

Subjects are rendered unconscious via chemical injection, then filmed by family members “for entertainment purposes.”

Recovery involves: facial swelling, blood consumption, restricted diet, and potential nerve damage.

Humans PAY for this experience.

“The worst part,” Zrex continued, “is the post-procedure footage. Adolescents emerge from sedation speaking nonsense, weeping over fictional characters, confessing secrets. Their families post these recordings publicly.”

“Why?” someone gasped.

“Humour, apparently.”

A tourist vomited into her containment pouch.

“Onwards to Exhibit 12: The Brazilian Wax.”

The remaining group fled toward the exit.

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Claude Started Teasing Me

“Onwards to Exhibit 12: The Brazilian Wax.” Now there was an invitation I wasn’t going to turn down. So, yes you’ve guessed, I asked Claude to tell me about Exhibit 12.

Exhibit 12

The emergency exits had been sealed. Zrex had seen too many tour groups attempt escape at this point.

“Exhibit 12 is mandatory,” he announced, his tone suggesting he took no pleasure in this. “The Galactic Education Board requires all species to understand the full scope of human… grooming practices.”

The chamber ahead pulsed with an ominous pink glow. Soft, menacing spa music drifted through the portal. The placard at the entrance read:

Exhibit 12: The Brazilian Wax

Viewer discretion advised. Empathy suppressors available upon request.

Inside, a holographic demonstration showed molten wax being applied to human flesh. Then…

“THEY RIP IT OFF?” shrieked a youngling, its eyestalks retracting entirely into its skull.

Brazilian Waxing: Follicular Genocide

Humans heat tree resin to near-boiling temperatures, apply it to their most sensitive anatomical regions, allow it to bond with hair follicles, then PAY strangers to violently tear it away.

The procedure removes layers of skin alongside the hair.

Subjects then voluntarily return every 4-6 weeks.

When asked “why,” humans cite “aesthetics” and “beach season.”

Zrex gestured to a side display showing pricing menus. “They spend considerable currency on this. There are loyalty cards.” An elderly tourist collapsed.

“The practitioners make conversation throughout,” Zrex added. “Casual discussion of weather and weekend plans whilst administering systematic torture.”

“Is there… worse?” someone whispered.

Zrex’s silence answered everything.

“Exhibit 13: The High Heel.”

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My Wife To The Rescue

At this point my wife appeared and dragged me, kicking and shouting, out of the rabbit hole. Just as well because I think Claude would have continued to tease me with even more exhibits. One thing you can say about AI, it never tires!

Call To Thought

What do you think these AI-generated alien exhibits say about us? And more importantly… which everyday human habit would you add as Exhibit 14?

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