The Wish Granting Office

I want to be clear that we followed procedure throughout. We always follow procedure. That is, in fact, the point of procedure.

She came in on a Tuesday. They nearly always come in on a Tuesday, I don’t know why that is, I’ve never looked into it. She had her form already filled out, which some of them do, and she slid it across the desk the way people do when they want you to know they’ve thought about it. When they want you to know they don’t need help from a wish processing clerk.

I read it. I read every wish before I stamp it. That’s not procedure, strictly speaking, procedure only requires the stamp, but I’ve been here long enough to know what bad wording costs a person. Her wish application read:

I want him to see only me.

I put my pen down. I explained, as I always explain to applicants at this counter, that we are a granting office. We grant what is written. Not what is meant. Not what is hoped for. What is written. I explained that Perception wishes in particular carry a higher rate of interpretive variance than any other category we process.

I used those exact words. I have a laminated card. I showed her the laminated card. I told her we had alternative phrasing available, tested phrasing, phrasing that had produced outcomes consistent with what applicants of her type generally intend.

She said she knew what she intended. I stamped the form.

The wish was granted on the 9th. Standard processing, no complications. He sees only her now. Constantly. Completely. She is the single fixed point of his perception regardless of circumstance, distance, or whether she is actually in the room. He cannot see the road when he drives. He cannot see his food. He cannot see his own children.

Her complaint, submitted in writing, states that this is not what she wanted.

I have read her complaint carefully. I have read it several times. And I understand it. I do, but wanting and wishing are not the same thing. They have never been the same thing. That is why we have forms.

I write back the same thing each time, because it remains true each time: the outcome is consistent with the submitted request. The amendment window closed on the 23rd.

This office notes that the applicant’s continued correspondence falls outside the scope of our remit and cannot be actioned. We would gently remind all applicants that the Wish Granting Office is not a complaints department. A separate form exists for that purpose. It is Form 31c. There is, at present, a fourteen week wait.

Should the applicant remain dissatisfied following that process, she may contact the Regional Wish Oversight Board in writing. Response times are currently running at eighteen to twenty four months. The Board has no power to reverse granted wishes. This is stated clearly on their website. It has always been stated clearly.

The file is closed.

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Written by Claude. Chosen and edited by me.