Fifty-three years I held them. Fifty-three years of arses, and this is how it ends, fly-tipped on a scrap of wasteland behind a Tesco, watching carrier bags cartwheel past like tumbleweeds in some apocalyptic western. Dignity, they call it. This is what dignity looks like when the stuffing’s coming out.
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The Grathoon Accord
The first Blorptickle arrived in my sink on a Tuesday, small, glowing, and humming the EastEnders theme through its pores. I assumed it was a hallucination. But by Wednesday, three more appeared, arguing about whose turn it was to exfoliate the Snindlewump.
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